When is the Right Time for Memory Care Assisted Living?

One of the most difficult decisions caregivers must make is whether to place their loved one in memory care assisted living and where and when to place them. This can be an excruciating decision because there are so many emotions and feelings involved. Often the elder has expressly forbidden you to ever place them in ‘one of those places’. This puts you in a very difficult situation – you want to honor their wishes, but their care needs are increasing and it’s becoming extremely difficult for you to manage.

It ultimately comes down to 4 factors:

1. Safety
2. What the primary caregiver can manage
3. Finances
4. Your loved one’s care needs

To help you determine when is the right time to place someone in memory care assisted living, I have put together some questions for you to keep in mind as the disease progresses and as your loved one’s needs change. The answers to these questions will give you a realistic idea of your situation.

• Is your loved one safe living at home? For example, is he/she a high fall risk because of their balance or are they disoriented and confused as to where they are?
• Do you worry about your safety?
• Is their behavior becoming more difficult to manage?
• Are they incontinent and/or having toileting accidents daily?
• Is it becoming more difficult to provide hygiene care for your loved one? For example, are they refusing to bathe, brush their teeth, change their clothes etc.?
• Are they becoming more frustrated, agitated, angry or hostile?
• Are they ‘wandering’ – fleeing out the door without any warning? Getting lost in the neighborhood?
• Are their needs increasing beyond what you can physically control and handle? For example, are they physically aggressive, having violent outbursts, anxiously pacing, verbally abusive, resistant to care, not sleeping at night?
• Is your physical health being affected by taking care of your loved one? For example, are you having heart palpitations, increased blood pressure, uncontrolled diabetes, rashes, twitches, headaches, or stomach aches, are you sleep deprived?
• Do you find yourself getting angry, irritable, or agitated frequently?
• Do you find yourself weepy or crying frequently?
• Is it becoming more difficult for you to get out of bed to care for your loved one?
• Are you sleep deprived because of taking care of your loved one?
• If they fell, would you be able to help them up without hurting yourself?
• Are you able to provide the on – going cognitive and physical stimulation they need?
• Are you able to keep up with what is necessary to maintain your home, health, finances, relationships/friendships, social activities, hobbies/interests, or your professional work?

If you answered yes to most of these questions, it may be time for you to consider moving your loved one into memory care assisted living. Where and when you place them is going to vary from person to person.

Below are some specific indicators that suggest it is time to really consider moving your loved one into a care community or increase the care at home with professional care givers:

• Safety. If you and/or your loved one’s safety is in jeopardy.
• Wandering. If he/she starts to wander- going out of the house without you realizing it- this can be a life – threatening situation. People with dementia who wander may not be able to find their way back home and become lost.
• Reoccurring infections. If your loved one is having reoccurring infections, such as a urinary tract infection, mouth sores, feet sores, or bed sores these are a medical emergency.
• Medication management. They are refusing to take their medication.
• Mobility or balance issues. He/she is falling more, unstable on their feet, having or has difficulty getting out of a chair, or refuses to use a walker
• Their health is declining. Increase in severity of chronic diseases such as urinary tract infections, diabetes, hypertension, heart disease, cancer, stenosis, wounds/sores, swallowing and digestive issues, bowel, and bladder control.
• Decrease in appetite, difficult swallowing, dehydration.
• Apathy. Your loved has lost all interest and motivation in people, places, and things they once enjoyed
• Your Self – care. You are neglecting taking care of yourself or your family, cancelling meetings with friends, and/or your professional work is suffering.
• Your health is declining. For example, increased stress adversely affecting your life; challenges with depression; heart irregularities, increased blood pressure; sleep deprivation, not taking care of yourself: all creating agitation, anger, nervousness, and tearfulness in you.

If you have determined that safety is an issue, and/or you are unable to continue to care for your loved one, the next issue has to do with finances.

What can they afford? Can you hire care givers to come to the home to help you? Move them to an Assisted Living or Memory Care Community? Or, move them to a small Board and Care home? You will have to do some research to find out which option is best for you. I suggest you begin your research as soon as possible to gain the knowledge to make the best decisions when needed. Planning ahead will make it a much easier transition.

Know that bringing in home care or placing your loved one in a care community is an extension of your love, care, compassion and support.

If you need dementia caregiver support, please join my dementia support group or schedule your 30-minute consultation.